Shannon T.L. Kearns
Shannon T.L. Kearns
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On The Anniversary Of My Ordination
February 16, 2017
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My ordination anniversary was in mid January. I wrote this then, but am posting it now. On a cold January day, four years ago, I was ordained a priest in the Old Catholic Church. It’s been a strange journey. There was a lot I didn’t know about the structure and the organization (or lack thereof) of the Old Catholic Church when I joined. Like any organization there are quirky personalities and people who are in it for ego or to…

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From Desperation To Silence
February 14, 2017
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I stumble out of bed and into the church for morning prayer. Silence permeates the space and I simply sit. Quiet. At first I think it’s because I’m only half awake (I have never done mornings well) but the same spirit repeats at afternoon prayers. I am able to simply sit in the silence. This is markedly different from the last couple times I have been here. Those times the silence made me twitch a bit. I spent the pauses…

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2
Keep Moving Forward
February 9, 2017
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Both the church I work for and the monastery where I am staying on retreat this week have those motion sensor lights in the hallways. You know, the kind that mostly stay off to preserve energy but then come on when they detect someone walking. They are an awesome concept but the thing I have noticed is they don’t always work right away. You enter the hallway and it’s pitch dark. So you stand still. Nothing. Maybe you wave an…

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2
Christmas Eve At My Childhood Church
February 7, 2017
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It’s Christmas Eve and I’m going back to the church that I grew up in for the first time in years. It’s a tradition for us to go as a family. I don’t particularly want to go but I also know that if I refuse it will send a message that I am somehow afraid to go back or ashamed of my life. I am neither afraid nor ashamed and so I go. I haven’t been back since I started…

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2
How Far Is Too Far
February 2, 2017
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Neither of us really know how to do this. We weren’t taught or trained. We mostly operate by instinct. So it’s no wonder that i have the same kinds of questions over and over again with formerly evangelical friends: when did you have sex? How do I know when I’m ready? Or when we’ve been together long enough? See we were taught that marriage was between a man and a woman after they were married. Only after. We internalized that…

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4
Can You See Me
January 31, 2017
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I generally try to avoid talking about the fact that I am transgender. I figure if I can avoid talking about it, then maybe people will forget about it. Now, I know how that sounds. It sounds like I am ashamed of being transgender, but that’s not what this is about. Really. What I worry about is what other people think of me. The meanings other people place on my history. The meanings other people place on my body. See,…

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2
Every Time We Refuse To Be Erased It Is Resistance
January 26, 2017
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Photo Credit Rebecca Jean Lawrence Photography   The following is an excerpt of my play Sex In The Dark. It’s the story of Ayden (a transgender man who hasn’t dated anyone since his transition) and Jess (a plus size woman who has struggled to find a good partner). They are on a date and think that tonight might be the night they have sex for the first time. Right before this scene they have started to kiss and Ayden freaks…

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4
Identity Politics Is How I Survive
January 25, 2017
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photo by Hilary Olson. This post is my entry in this year’s Queer Theology Synchroblog. The theme is “Identity”. Head on over to Queer Theology to read the rest of the entries. “Identity politics is the reason the Democrats lost the election. If they had just concentrated on economic issues they would have won, but since they cared about [enter hated identity of choice here] they lost.” “Why do you have to talk so much about being gay? Shouldn’t your…

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What Works
January 24, 2017
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Art seems so small on a day like today. I feel so small on a day like today. The weather is dark and night falls so quickly. I am exhausted. It’s deeper than just not getting a good night’s sleep; it’s a solid weariness that makes me want to sleep for a week. Preferably in a cabin somewhere in front of a log burning fire and a stack of fiction. But I don’t have that luxury. Everything is happening at…

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Am I Good Enough
January 19, 2017
creativity

How do I know if I’m good enough? It’s the question that rattles in my brain day after day. How do I know if I’m good enough? What does it mean to be “good enough”? What will make you feel successful? They are asking to try to get me to be easier on myself. But I can’t. I need to have an answer to the good enough question. I know they are asking good questions, but I have trouble answering…

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